Every day at 7PM, in markets all across Japan, the man with the hat gets out his stickers and starts marking down all the sushi.
Crowds gather. The excitement is palpable.
He starts by taking off 100 yen ($1) and people start rummaging through the stacks, anticipation and aggression building.
Half an hour later, at 7:30, the 200 yen stickers get going and the crowd gets pretty excited. The stacks become askew from commotion.
At 7:45, he'll throw another dollar at you. 300 yen. Damn, that's a pretty good deal, right? For most Asians, this is it. They go home now.
But, if you are Read, who will not back down in the face of any deal, you will still be following the man in the hat at 8:15pm. Your girlfriend will be sitting in a folding chair on the perimeter of the fish department because the hat man, as well as the locals, are starting to think you're fucking creepy.
In the end, you "win", because at 8:15pm the 50% off stickers make their big debut.
But, as your girlfriend will continue to remind you, you also lose, because you're a white guy lurking in a Japanese fish department for over an hour.
Now, if you're severely demented and have no concept of when to quit, you will buy a piece of uncut salmon among the many packages of salmon sashimi because it "looks the best", despite the fact that you live in a closet sized hotel room with no knife.
You will remember the 100 yen store nearby. You will buy a Silky Chef.
And three hours later, you will high five your girlfriend over your bounty. Congratulations. You are the happiest Jew in all of Japan.
You know that if I was with you guys I would be right next to Read. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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